10-11-16 It is day 20 in my 28 day cycle and my mind is busy thinking about having another baby. We have felt like we have another child waiting to join our family for awhile now, but we have gone through three miscarriages that have been really tough. I also had a lot of medical problems that came up (knee surgeries, foot surgery, and oh yeah my parotid tumor surgery) which has caused a lot of delays in our trying to have another child. The fertility doctor gave us last month and this month to use Femara to try to improve our chances of getting pregnant before he wants me to come in to get tested and to talk to him about a plan. I was really struggling with the thought of having to go in to see this doctor again and to hear bad news even though I know if it is right it will work out. It is just hard hearing the things that can negatively affect our chances you know. Anyway I was talking to my neighbor Paige who just told me she was pregnant and she was asking why I take Femara if I already ovulate on my own. I have asked that question to myself many times but haven't been able to figure it out. So I did a lot of research tonight to understand better and I think I finally get it. Femara is taken for those that do not ovulate on their own or for unexplained infertility problems which is the category that I fit into. When Femara is taken the enzyme "aromatase" is inhibited causing the estrogen levels to suppress. The pituitary gland then increases the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) as a result. Having the increase in the FSH can help with ensuring the follicle that is released is mature when in the ovary. The increase can also cause the ovary to release more eggs at a time. These both increase the chances of a good pregnancy hopefully without a miscarriage because the body has more eggs to choose from and can pick the best one, and the eggs that are available will hopefully be mature. One cause of miscarriage is when an immature egg is released. I know also understand why the doctor needs to see us again before we continue on our path because our egg supply is already low and taking a medication that causes more eggs to be sent lowers that number even more. So I am sure he will want to see what my number is and evaluate the best course of action at that time. But for now, I am hoping this cramping that I have felt today on my right side means I just completed implantation and will have a positive pregnancy test in 3-4 days. All I know is I have been praying for comfort; comfort that we will know what is right, comfort that if we don't get pregnant that we can be patient and at peace, and that if we have to have another miscarriage that we will be comforted at that time.....but I have been praying a lot specifically that I would much rather wait and wait some more to have another baby rather than go through the excitement of a pregnancy to then again lose it with another miscarriage. I know we could handle it, but oh boy I really really really do not want to even think about doing that again. I figure if this is a positive pregnancy test than keeping a journal and writing down my fears and worries will help my poor husband not have to listen to my stress everyday, as well as it will help me get through all of my fears and anxieties.