Well, I made it to 6 weeks. I am definitely over analyzing every pregnancy symptom or lack of symptom everyday. I haven't been very nauseous yesterday or today nor have I been having to pee as much as I remember having to at this stage of pregnancy. I have been having a lot of emotions (crying a lot) and my boobs hurt like crazy. In the middle of the night last night I started panicking and thought about calling the doctor this morning to just run an HCG blood test so I can just know where we stand right now. But, this morning when I was more rational I decided it would be best to just wait it out. We have done the unsure numbers before, and all it did was cause me anxiety and more worry. If it were crazy high then it would be reassuring, but if its borderline it will just cause stress. I just keep trying to stay busy and getting my mind off of it as much as I can.

Yesterday it was Ashlynn's dance recital, and tonight Kaylee and Connor had their tumbling recital. They both did such a good job. It's amazing to see their confidence grow as they get up to perform. Connor was soo nervous last time, but this time he just kept saying "I LOVED IT". Afterwards while I was putting him to bed, he kept giving me hugs and smiles. He smiled really big and said, "You welcome for doing such a good job". ha ha It was the cutest thing ever. He has started to say "Your welcome" to me a lot. "Your welcome for doing what you asked", "Your welcome mom for coming home". ha ha. Love that kid.

Ashlynn did a great job at her dance performance. She knew all of the moves so well, and had so much confidence in performing. We did a moms dance together and she made sure to tell me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it.

Kinslee has been getting more into things lately. She loves to stand on top of the island or table and hear all the kids yell "MOM- Kinslee is on the TABLE". She is also hating the high chair, and is a stinker in eating sometimes. She just had her 18 month stats. She was a whopping 22 lbs.

Kaylee has started to feed the fish a lot lately. BJ had told her that she would need to start feeding the fish and show responsibility before we would ever let her have a dog. I reminded them both that we still don't ever plan to get one. I grew up with a bigger outside dog that I was never close with. I always felt so sad for her being outside on her own. I am also just generally not a big animal person. BJ has to clean the fish tank because I can't move them out of the tank without freaking out.

Well, there is a little update.

I haven't posted on here for awhile because....4 kids 😏 I have posted a lot about what we have been up to on instagram and plan to print some chatbooks. But I really like this blog as a journal, and plan to start going back to as I find time.

Yes, the title says I am pregnant for the 9th time. Crazy. Remember, when we were trying for number #3 and how discouraged I was wondering if we would have anymore kids. Heavenly Father sure knows us and what we need when we need it doesn't He?!

After we had #4 (Kinslee) I didn't ever feel "done", but I also didn't think about having more kids. I took my minipill progesterone only birth control while I was nursing, and then when Kinslee finished nursing at 12 months I contemplated getting an IUD. But after having such struggles getting pregnant before and not getting a "for sure" confirmation that we have completed our family, I just couldn't do it. So I kept refilling my birth control and used it diligently every morning (it also helped remind me to feed the fish). My neighbor Paige got and IUD and gave me the rest of her pills since we took the same thing. At this point Kinslee was almost 17 months old and it felt like I needed to decide my plan. I am 33 years old and not getting any younger. Not to mention, when I saw the fertility specialist they told me my egg supply was low for my age (and that was years ago). I was sooo scared about going through all the emotions that come with that stinken first trimester, especially with my miscarriage history. But I literally could NOT get an IUD. It was as if I was being stopped from doing it. I told BJ about it- and he said he didn't feel like we needed to have another child, but he also felt like Heavenly Father would be happy with whatever decision we made. He described to me my thoughts of not being able to get the IUD as a "stupor of thought". In other words, we should start trying to have a baby. I still could not emotionally do it. It was just tough. After a lot of talk, we decided to finish the birth control I had, and then possibly start trying June of this year and if I didn't get pregnant by Dec then we would let it go.

I finished the birth control in the middle of April. I was then packing to get ready for Women's Conference on April 30th and realized that I had not started my period as I had expected that day. Still not thinking anything of it, I continued to pack. The following day I decided to take a pregnancy test on wimp so I didn't wonder while I was gone. It was very faint, but positive! I left without telling BJ about the test and had full intentions of not telling him until I was 12 weeks. I didn't want him to have to go through what I had to go through.

I went to Women's Conference with a big secret. I had some sore boobs and was starving, but no other pregnancy symptoms. While at Women's Conference I heard a talk by Brad Wilcox that helped me a lot. He described recognizing the Spirit to a traffic light. The RED light is when we are told "NO" firmly, and the GREEN light is a "for sure YES". He then described the YELLOW light as being where we are a lot of times in life...the "unsure" spot. Do we GO or STOP? He said, Heavenly Father will always give us a RED light if we need to STOP. So if we haven't received that, then to PROCEED with CAUTION.

After hearing this talk, I realized that Heavenly Father gave me a clear STOP to getting an IUD and that no matter what happens with this pregnancy that I should continue trying to have another baby. It was such an "aha" moment for me. When I came home and was telling BJ about the things I learned. I told him about the comparison to the Stop Light, and then felt like I should tell him about the pregnancy (2 days after I found out). I felt like I needed him to lean on, and should include him in this even if it's difficult.

I was going back and looking at my previous miscarriages, and am still nervous as most of them were not discovered until 9 weeks. My first OB appointment will be at 8 1/2 weeks. I have prayed a lot for comfort, and I truly have felt it. Now....we wait.

This year the World Horseshoe tournament was in St. George. They hold the tournaments all around the world, so when we found out it was going to be close by we decided to take our kiddo's and join in on the fun. Grandpa Scott really encouraged all the grandchildren to play as they were trying to beat a world record of the most young kids playing in the tournament. Kaylee and Connor had not really played much until this year. So we bought them both horseshoes and let them practice here and there in the grandparents backyard. They both participated in 3 or so tournaments to prepare for the world competition. At first neither one of them could throw the horseshoe into the pit, it was just such a far distance. But after some practice they both started to get it closer and closer. They are still in the 1-2% ringer percentage, but the more they play the better they are getting. Connor LOVES to play, and Kaylee is meh about it. Kaylee likes to play with her cousins but really has no desire to practice.