Well, this has taken me some time to write. When I went in for my 7 week ultrasound at the fertility doctor's office with Dr. Hatasaka they did not see a HB. The fetal pole was still present but measuring 6 weeks 1 day (or close to it- I can't remember now for sure) and the gestational sac was measuring the same. The doctor said he is okay with the gestational sac measuring a week off, but the fetal pole he likes to see a lot closer especially since we had already obtained measurements before and it didn't grow as fast as he wanted. He told us to come back and that there was maybe a 10% they find a heart beat in a week, but he said "it wasn't looking good".

The doctor then gave me the "sad eyes" which I hate. I held it in until he left the room but then cried in BJ's arms. I only cried for a little bit and tried really really hard to just be tough. We didn't make the f/u ultrasound and figured we would just wait until I miscarried on my own.  There was only one day that I had told BJ I felt like my symptoms had gone away, but then the following day I was nauseous again. I had sore boobs, was tired, peeing a lot etc... It was so hard having all the symptoms but knew it was not going to be a viable pregnancy.

December 9th I messaged the nurse of my OB Dr. Hansen. I shared the news of the ultrasound from Dr Hatasaka and told her that I didn't schedule the follow up ultrasound appointment telling her that I pretty much knew I was going to miscarry. I told them with the year that I had that I would prefer not to have to have another surgery but that I was worried about miscarrying over Christmas. So we made a plan to wait it out but to go ahead with the D&C if it took too long for me to miscarry on my own.

Dr. Hansen asked me to follow the HCG quants to make sure it was going down, and I asked if we could schedule the D&C for the following tuesday if I had not miscarried on my own already. The ultrasound had already shown that the baby had not grown for a week so I was hopeful I would just start the process of miscarrying on my own. Dr. Hansen did give us the option of us doing the D&C on Tuesday, but I realized that was BJ and I's anniversary so instead we planned on Friday Dec 16th. Dr. Hansen felt more comfortable with us doing one more ultrasound before we did the D&C since the fertility doctor had recommended it. So we scheduled the ultrasound for the evening before. That Thursday was rough. The ultrasound tech found a heartbeat, but the baby was still measuring at just over 6 weeks and the gestational sac was misshapen and things did not look good. So we knew I was still going to miscarry, but it was that much harder seeing the heartbeat first.

Needless to say we canceled the D&C and I waited to miscarry on my own. Friday Dec 16th late morning I started to bleed. I was grateful we didn't have to do the D&C and that I could be home with my family. We continued to follow the blood levels until 12/21/17.

I then ended up having to work Christmas 2-10 that night. It was rough, but we got the morning together and I realized through everything we have been through how blessed we are to be with each other. I love my kids so much and am so grateful we have been able to have them join our family. I am also extremely grateful for my husband and the rock he is to me and our family. He has stayed strong through all that we have been though and it amazes me every time.