A Happy Home is Filled with Love and Laughter

Life as a mom

I just recently came across a blog post I had made in 2012 when Kaylee and Connor were both young. I shared my experience taking them to a movie theater by myself. It was fun reading, so I thought I would share my experience from yesterday evening.

We are currently in a pandemic with Covid-19. You have to wear a mask most places otherwise they won't let you in. We carry hand sanitizer everywhere and put it on as soon as we get into the car. The kids don't go very many places and haven't been playing with friends hardly at all as to hope to prevent the big spread of this icky virus. We just heard yesterday that their elementary school and all of Davis County is going to be having the kids wear masks to school. They have a lot of things in place to prevent the kids from being exposed from many other kids than the kids in their classroom. Then yesterday they announced that the kids will only go to school twice a week based off of their last name. The three other days will be "remote learning". We hope to find out more information about school as it comes closer, but our plan is to have our kids go to school even if its only twice a week. I know a lot of neighbors and friends that are doing homeschool or online, and I definitely think their isn't a right answer. Everyone is doing what they feel is best for their families and obviously that is different for each family and their situation.

Needless to say, I haven't spent time with my friends either. But my friend Nina is in town from Texas right now for her sister's wedding and she had a night free that she came over to visit with me and my friend Ashley. Rachel was supposed to come as well, but ended up having a sick husband and child so she couldn't make it. BJ offered to take the kids (minus baby Mckenna) with him to go fishing at Farmington Pond. Kinslee however was way too tired to go. She threw away her binky a few weeks ago (into the diaper genie with a poopy diaper mind you. Ha ha So we weren't getting it back). So naps had already been a little tricky AND THEN we went to St. George where naps were nonexistent. Needless to say she still needs naps so by the end of the night she is exhausted and DONE. I knew it would be a nightmare if I sent Kinslee with them to go fishing, so I decided to keep her and put her to bed at 630pm.

This is how the night went.......

BJ took the kids minus the two littles at 6pm to go fishing. He was amazing (as always) and had cleaned up dinner so all I had to do was put the kids to bed. Both Ashley and Nina said they were running late and that they wouldn't be there until around 6:30pm, so I told them they could come right in because I would probably be with one of the kiddos and wouldn't be able to answer. Kinslee had peed a little in her pants and sat on me while she reluctantly ate her dinner. So both her and I smelled like pee. McKenna was asleep in the swing in her room, so I quickly put Kinslee in my bath (so I could put McKenna in the bassinett in my room if she woke up while I was getting Kinslee out of them bath). While I was getting Kinslee dressed I heard Ashley walk in. The moment Kinslee heard her she was running around squeeling with a tired laughter. I had to chase her around and hold her while I tried to calm her down. When that didn't work I told Ashley I would be right back and that I was going to go put her to bed. The moment I walked into Kinslees room I heard McKenna crying. I quickly grabbed McKenna and nursed her while I was telling the 3 little pigs story to Kinslee. Then while holding McKenna I was turning the sound machine on with my foot (because it has a short and takes a few pushes for it to work). I then walked out and locked the door and heard Kinslee scream (because she was past tired). As I walked in I was telling Ashley that I was wearing pajama pants because my other pants had pee on them, and that I didn't want to change my top into pajamas in case I got spit up on from McKenna. Right after I said that McKenna spit up all down my pants. HA Yep, this is glorious motherhood right there. I just laughed and shook my head.

Life is a little (A LOT) busy right now. But what a blessing we have to be able to raise kids. While it is hard, I know not everyone get's this opportunity and I am so grateful for it.

McKenna Faith Tenney's birth story

Why does it seem at the end of pregnancy that days feel like weeks, and weeks feel like months! It seriously feels like everything is in SLOW MOTION at the end of pregnancy, and boy do I get onry and anxious to meet the baby. At my 36 week visit the doctor had told me I was just shy of being dilated to a 3 and 70% effaced. Dr Hansen joked about not waiting too long to go to the hospital so I didn't deliver in the car. That definitely didn't help in making me think it was going to happen sooner than later, and made the wait seem even longer.

By 39 weeks I was dragging my kids to go on a walk with me every night. We had a routine we would walk that was just shy of 2 miles. On some of the walks I was having contractions and felt like the walking was helping, but on others it felt like I was going to be pregnant FOREVER. In fact, I am pretty sure I said that to Kaylee at least 3 times. "It's FINE. I am just going to be pregnant forever. Just get used to it. I am NEVER having this baby". I even resorted to making the following pictures of the 5 stages of pregnancy. I was definitely on stage #5.

The doctor tried to schedule an induction date for 39 weeks at my 38 week appointment with everything that was going on with covid 19. There was a a lot of restrictions at the hospitals, and many OB patients were opting to get induced to help. At this point I was being told that if I had any symptoms of Covid-19 than I would have to labor alone and they would test me and take my baby away until I am shown ke ato be negative, but if I was positive they would keep the baby away for 2 weeks. I was also told I could only have one person with me when I delivered, but if they had any symptoms they would not be allowed to come in to the hospital and I would have to deliver alone. A few hospitals weren't even allowing spouses to come in to the delivery even if they didn't have any symptoms. There were a lot of unknowns at this time and it brought a lot of stress and anxiety. Despite all of this, I really felt like we should wait until my body was ready or at least until the due date. So we said a lot of prayers on keeping us all healthy, and made sure the 2 weeks before my due date that we stayed quarantined. We didn't grocery shop or see anyone. We ordered our groceries online and picked them up. We carried hand sanitizer everywhere with us, and the kids washed their hands A LOT.

When the baby still wasn't here as I got closer to my due date, we decided to schedule the induction for a couple days following the due date on May 5th. Since I had a miscarriage before I found out I was pregnant, they had to guess the due date based off of the ultrasound. So they gave me a due date of anywhere between May 1st and May 3rd. I told them to go off of May 3rd so I could mentally prepare for later rather than earlier. I had had one night where I had contractions waking me up in the night and I was sure I would go into labor on my own and soon. I had my bag packed and even texted my mom in the middle of the night once, but it just didn't happen.

So May 5th I woke up at 6 am and called the hospital to confirm the induction was going to start that morning at 730am. I made some oatmeal and called my mom to come over to be with the kids. The nigh before was a long one. Kinslee woke up a few times, Kaylee struggled to fall asleep, and Connor came up a few times in the middle of the night. We later found out he even called Grandma Scott at 2 in the morning because he couldn't sleep and he was worried about me. That morning when I was in my bathroom getting ready I opened the door and he was standing right there waiting for me. It scared the crap out of me. I told him he had been up all night, I loved him, but he needed to go back into bed. We left the house at 7 am and we could see Kaylee and Ashlynn in their bedroom window waving and watching us leave. All of the kids were nervous to have us leave and anxious to meet their new baby sister.

When we got to the hospital they had us wear a mask when we came in after they checked our temperature and asked us if we had any symptoms of covid-19 (runny nose, fever, cough). I had to get tested for Corona the day before so I knew I was good to go, and I was grateful BJ didn't have any symptoms as well. I couldn't imagine having a baby without him, and feel really sad for those women that had to do that.

It always takes a little bit to get started, but after 3 attempts at an IV they were finally able to start the pitocin running at 4 at 830am. Our nurse Collette said she would try to slowly increase the pitocin so I could let my body do it mostly on its own. I was grateful for that, because I could tell my body was ready to get started. Sure enough the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart shortly after starting the pitocin. By 1030 they increased the Pit to 8. At 1140, I was listening to church music and bouncing on the birthing ball while breathing slowly while on a portable monitor. The nurse checked me and I was 4cm and 80% effaced. She then increased the pit for the last time to 12. They called my doctor and she said she would come and break my water around lunch time.

At 1255. My contractions were 2.5 minutes apart but not too strong yet. I asked the nurse to bring my fentanyl so I could mentally rest before transition hit. I knew I wanted to take the fentanyl before the pain was too bad, because I didn't want it right before delivery. The doctor came in at 1:10 and broke my water. I was still at a 4 and 80% effaced though I could tell my body was gearing up to deliver. I asked the doctor if she was going to be close now that she broke my water. She said, "Yeah, I will be right across the street". She then told the nurse to call her when I was dilated to a 8 so she didn't miss "transition". I was a little surprised she said to wait till I was an 8, because I usually start transition at a 7 and it is really quick after that that I deliver.

At 1:45pm I told the nurse over the call button I was starting to feel things more and I think she should call the doctor. At 2pm I called and asked the nurse to come into the room because the pain was getting more intense and I thought I was getting close. When she came into the room I told her she should call the doctor. She said, "Well, let me check you first". I said to her, "I already know what your going to say. Your going to say I am a 7 and I am going to have this baby in about 20-40 min." Well, she didn't say that. She said, "You are a 5 1/2 and 80% effaced". WHAT?! I was shocked. I really felt like I was starting transition. The pain was intense and I did not think I had that long left, but when she said I was only a 5 1/2 I said, "I want an epidural then!". I just didn't think I had it in me to go another hour or so in that much pain, and I said, "I want to enjoy this last pregnancy". They called the anesthesiologist and said he would be in soon. At 2:05 I said, "Where is he?" They said, "He is coming. He just needs to get the orders in the computer and then he will be on his way. We are just listening for his cart to come down the hallway". I said, "I can't hear the cart. Do you hear the cart? I don't think he is coming". ha ha Once I decided I wanted to be out of pain, I wanted to be out of pain right then! At 2:10 I said to the other nurse in the room, "Go find him and find out what is taking him so long". She got on her vocera and said, "Yeah, room 404 is getting pretty anxious. You on your way?" He said in a slow (not in a hurried voice), "Yeah, I am just leaving now". When he got into the room by 2:15 the nurse had me on the edge of the bed ready for him to put the epidural in my back. She was holding my hand while I squeezed it and helping give me counter pressure on my knees and feet. BJ was at my back putting pressure there while we waited for him to set up.

At this point I knew the baby was coming soon because the pain was so intense, but I wasn't mentally able to tell them it was too late for the epidural so I just pushed for the anethesioloist to hurry in hopes of it helping the pain a little bit. I was feeling contractions what felt like every min or less and I told him, "You better hurry. I am going to have another contraction soon". He said slowly and again NOT IN IN HURRY "It will be a couple more contractions before you will feel any effect". Again, I should have told him not to bother at this point. He got the catheter in and while the syringe was still attached to my back, they helped me lean back into the bed. The moment I layed down I felt a ton of pressure and pushed. The nurse said, "I see the head!!" She then squeezed my legs together and held them there for a sec and said, "No no no, don't push." She then called on her vocera and said, "we have a baby in here. I need some help!". I then pushed again an the anethesiologist just starred at me and the nurse said, "the head is out now, so I need you to push again". I quickly pushed the third time and out came the baby onto the bed". Several nurses came running in the room and all helped rub down the baby and clean her off, while the nurses were talking to each other saying "Is there a doctor anywhere close". They called my doctor on her cell phone and she sprinted over. The anethesiologist said, "Well. I hope you felt a little relieve from that epidural". If I wasn't in total shock I would have punched him in the face jk, but for real. BJ said later that I was more in control this time than in previous delieveries that he didn't think I was that close either. Dr. Hansen came running in at 2:32pm and quickly realized she missed the whole delivery. I could tell on her face she was a little frustrated, but she came over and delievered the placenta and stitched my 2nd degree tear up. My right leg literally starting getting numb right after she finished stitching me up. GAH!!! Stupid epidural!! I am pretty sure I will always be mad at myself for getting that epidural, but I can say with 100% certainty that I felt it all. The baby was born at 2:25pm. She weighed 7lbs 4 ounces and was 20 inches long. The special care nurses contemplated taking the baby to watch her because she was a little stunned at such a quick delivery, but the decided to let her come do skin to skin and slowly adjust to the environment with her mom. I was so grateful, and the baby did adjust so much better with her mom and dad. Her breathing went from sounding rattly and congested to calm as she looked up at my face. BJ always shows the love he has with his face and he mouthed I love you.

Baby #5

I haven't written on the blog for a bit. I do a lot of my updates on instagram because is quick and easy to do on my phone, where as the blog I usually have to get on a laptop to type updates. But I wanted to update from the last post and confirm that yes I did miscarry for the 6th time. I tried to wait it out to let my body take care of things on its own, but the HCG numbers kept slowly rising and my body wasn't recognizing that I would miscarry. The nurses would try to give me hope in seeing the numbers rise, but I knew that it wasn't going to work out. Since the numbers were rising they had to have me come in and confirm through ultrasound before letting me schedule a D&C. I was really dreading having to go in to get the ultrasound, but after they did the ultrasound and confirmed that their wasn't a heartbeat and the baby was too small for how far along I should have been they scheduled the D&C. The details of all of it are a little fuzzy, but I remember being hesitant to get a D&C because the more you have the bigger chance of having scar tissue develop and causing you to have a problem getting pregnant again in the future. But after talking a lot about it, we decided to go ahead mostly so we could get genetic testing on the baby to see if we could find a reason as to why I have had so many miscarriages.

In the end I was so glad we got the D&C done, because while most people do not get answers when they do genetic testing....I did. Now I can't remember exactly what they found, but essentially they found a break on our genetics at #3 and #13 I believe. They suggested we meet with a genetic counselor to discuss our options and what it means. But essentially the way I understood it was we have a 50/50 chance of miscarrying each time I am pregnant. For some that have genetic problems like these, their body will continue to develop the embryo and the baby will be born with many complications. Fortunately my body recognizes that things are not progressing the way they should be so I end up miscarrying on my own (though, slow at times).

We talked about meeting with the genetic counselor but I needed some time emotionally to process these last two losses. I felt like meeting with the counselor would just discourage me more, because there isn't anything we can do to prevent the miscarriages. So I felt like all they were going to do was tell me all of the increased risks I had going forward which doesn't give me a lot of hope.

In the end we didn't need to make an appointment with a genetic counselor because exactly 4 weeks after the D&C I took a pregnancy test and got a positive. I had had a negative test before so I knew it wasn't leftover from the D&C. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. We had decided to wait and give my body and our minds some time to heal after all we had been through those last two months. We could have only conceived on one specific day and I had thought I was in the clear because I thought I had already ovulated after feeling the ovulation cramps a few days before. When I told BJ, he was in the bathroom helping our 2 year old sit on the potty and he said, "What!? I can't even have sex with my wife without getting her pregnant". ha ha. Needless to say we were both really nervous and had a hard time getting excited throughout most of the pregnancy. Even at the end when I was about to have our sweet baby girl, I was nervous something would happen then. It just didn't feel real. It was real however and we are now blessed with the sweetest daughter and are overjoyed of our blessings.

Update

They ran my HCG just under 48 hours after the first draw and it stayed at 29. I have felt some cramping here and there, but nothing has happened yet. I am starting to wonder if I was wrong and if it was just leftover from the last miscarriage? Still feeling like we can try again to get pregnant at this point. It definitely helps that I wasn't farther along and didn't have higher levels of hormones. Hoping and praying we will get our answers soon.

Here we go again...#6

Exactly 4 weeks after my D&C on July 5th I got a very very faint positive pregnancy test. I had taken one 2 weeks after the D&C and it was negative, it was also negative on July 4th. The test was then a lot more visible and less faint on July 7th. Since I have been pregnant 10 times now, I am pretty aware of my body and my guess was I ovulated June 24th-25th because I was feeling cramps, right kidney pain, and pain in boobs. I then felt slight cramps, tired, and at the end of the night cramps on the right lower front side on July 1st, but then more what I felt like where "implantation cramps" on July 2nd.

My doctor's nurse called me randomly yesterday on July 10th when if my calculations were correct, I would have been 4 weeks 3 days pregnant, to see how I was doing after the miscarriage. She called while we were driving home from a vaca in Brian Head, so I covered my head with a pillow and told her I had actually been meaning to call them. Needless to say, she ordered a HCG blood draw and I ran and got it done before I cleaned/vacuumed the car. At this point nobody knew about the pregnancy including BJ. I wanted to help protect him emotionally as best as I could, and I'm glad I did because my level came back at 29. I was expecting at least in the hundreds, but thousands to be confident things were going well. Just the fact that a test usually shows at a HCG level of 20, and usually doubles every 48 hours gave me that confirmation that I was going to miscarry again. I am hopeful it will be a quick and early miscarriage. These are a lot easier to deal with emotionally because I am not as attached to the idea of having a new baby, and the hormones aren't as high yet.

Now, to figure out what to do next.....

5th Miscarriage

This is always a hard post to write. But, I always like to go back and read through what I learned and to help me remember the details. I scheduled my ultrasound for just after 8 weeks to hopefully make it a time that we would know for sure whether the pregnancy was viable or not, so I didn't have to retest or do another ultrasound and wait it out.

I did the ultrasound at 8 weeks and 2 days. I had a ultrasound tech I have had in the past, and I was very grateful because he walks me through it step by step and doesn't make me wait for the NP to tell me. I saw the gestational sac, and I saw that sweet little baby bean- but what we didn't see was a heartbeat. My heart sank. I just kept telling myself to be strong and to hold the emotions in. The baby measured at 6 weeks 5 days. Since it wasn't measuring quite 7 weeks- they said I would probably have to do another ultrasound since some babies heartbeats don't start until 7 weeks. Another heart sinking. He said he would have the radiologist read it, and he would give the final word. My appointment with the Nurse Practitioner wasn't for another 20 minutes, but they didn't make me wait (which I was so grateful for). She came and met me at the ultrasound room and walked me into a room where I of course started to cry. All the fears had come true, and then my next thoughts were.....can I do this again? I had had the feeling we were supposed to have another baby, but could I do another loss?? Could I see the NP or the ultrasound tech give me those sad eyes and tell me they are sorry. She came in and talked about my options of how I would deal with the miscarriage. I told her I would rather just take care of it on my own at home. The recovery is always quicker and easier at home.

I then texted the four people that knew I was pregnant (BJ, Nina, my aunt Becky, and my Mom) and just said "no heart beat" and to BJ "No heart beat, I'm so sorry". After I went into my car and just cried. I knew I wanted to be strong when I got home for the kids and BJ, so I needed some time to let it out before I saw them. When I got home I did pretty good keeping my emotions in check. I had prayed a lot for comfort for whatever happened, and I definitely felt it! I remembered thinking, "I should be crushed right now, and even though I am sad. I can definitely feel God's power". I thought "this must be what Heaven is like. No matter what we have experienced or gone through, we can feel total joy through Him". It really strengthened my testimony on Gods Power.

Well, after waiting for another week and not having any cramping or bleeding. I looked at the summer calendar and decided that a D&C might be our best option to move forward. I was not sleeping well, worrying and going through emotions trying to decide what to do. I just couldn't take the medicine as I was worried I would have to do a D&C anyway, and it would just prolong all the emotions even more. So I called and talked to the doctor. They told me I would have to have a confirmation ultrasound before they would do the surgery, but that the doctor was willing to do it for me so I wouldn't have to go through the ultrasound tech again. We did the ultrasound on 6/4/19 (when I would have been 9 weeks pregnant) and bless her heart, she looked and looked and looked again for a heartbeat. But there was no blood flow in my uterus at all. You could also barely see the baby anymore. The baby was measuring at 6 weeks 4 days and that was at a good angle. It took her a bit to even get that. She tried talking me into taking the medicine to have the miscarriage at home, and I almost did. But I'm glad we went with the D&C on 6/7/19. It was actually Ashlynn's dance performance at Lagoon on that day, so we went and played for a bit before we had to go to the hospital. My amazing brother Nathan and his wife Kelsie came and watched our kids while we were gone. We just told them we were going on a date together. Kaylee was the only one who knew where we went. She had actually asked me a week prior if I was pregnant. I was so confused, and just told her that was a weird question. So when I found out I had miscarried, I asked her why she had asked me that. Come to find out, she had saw my search history and saw me write "pregnant with 5 kids". Smart girl. We had a good conversation and both cried a little together. But she was so sweet and mature about it all, I was glad we talked.

Afterward the D& C I told BJ I was just grateful it was done and we could move on. I was a little nervous for the anesthesia, especially since the anesthesiologist said in the 200,000 surgeries he has done- he has only seen myoclonic jerks 3-4 times! He did say they know there is a correlation with propofol, but said he felt better using that because it helps decrease my risk for bleeding with the D&C. He sat and waited as I woke up from anesthesia, and I didn't have them! I was so happy. BJ and I were talking, and that was my 9th surgery! whoah....way too many! He then said, "and that doesn't even include your pregnancies!!". ha ha. It's true, my body is probably wearing out!

So, here I am 6/8/19 laying in bed with a heat pad on trying to rest while BJ is painting, cleaning, cooking and doing everything for the kids. Man, I am so grateful for him! He does so much for me and our kids and never complains. Heavenly Father knew I needed the best Man out there for me to have as a companion. He knew I needed amazing support and love, and I sure got it!

6 weeks & cute kids

Well, I made it to 6 weeks. I am definitely over analyzing every pregnancy symptom or lack of symptom everyday. I haven't been very nauseous yesterday or today nor have I been having to pee as much as I remember having to at this stage of pregnancy. I have been having a lot of emotions (crying a lot) and my boobs hurt like crazy. In the middle of the night last night I started panicking and thought about calling the doctor this morning to just run an HCG blood test so I can just know where we stand right now. But, this morning when I was more rational I decided it would be best to just wait it out. We have done the unsure numbers before, and all it did was cause me anxiety and more worry. If it were crazy high then it would be reassuring, but if its borderline it will just cause stress. I just keep trying to stay busy and getting my mind off of it as much as I can.

Yesterday it was Ashlynn's dance recital, and tonight Kaylee and Connor had their tumbling recital. They both did such a good job. It's amazing to see their confidence grow as they get up to perform. Connor was soo nervous last time, but this time he just kept saying "I LOVED IT". Afterwards while I was putting him to bed, he kept giving me hugs and smiles. He smiled really big and said, "You welcome for doing such a good job". ha ha It was the cutest thing ever. He has started to say "Your welcome" to me a lot. "Your welcome for doing what you asked", "Your welcome mom for coming home". ha ha. Love that kid.

Ashlynn did a great job at her dance performance. She knew all of the moves so well, and had so much confidence in performing. We did a moms dance together and she made sure to tell me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it.

Kinslee has been getting more into things lately. She loves to stand on top of the island or table and hear all the kids yell "MOM- Kinslee is on the TABLE". She is also hating the high chair, and is a stinker in eating sometimes. She just had her 18 month stats. She was a whopping 22 lbs.

Kaylee has started to feed the fish a lot lately. BJ had told her that she would need to start feeding the fish and show responsibility before we would ever let her have a dog. I reminded them both that we still don't ever plan to get one. I grew up with a bigger outside dog that I was never close with. I always felt so sad for her being outside on her own. I am also just generally not a big animal person. BJ has to clean the fish tank because I can't move them out of the tank without freaking out.

Well, there is a little update.