10-11-16 It is day 20 in my 28 day cycle and my mind is busy thinking about having another baby. We have felt like we have another child waiting to join our family for awhile now, but we have gone through three miscarriages that have been really tough. I also had a lot of medical problems that came up (knee surgeries, foot surgery, and oh yeah my parotid tumor surgery) which has caused a lot of delays in our trying to have another child. The fertility doctor gave us last month and this month to use Femara to try to improve our chances of getting pregnant before he wants me to come in to get tested and to talk to him about a plan. I was really struggling with the thought of having to go in to see this doctor again and to hear bad news even though I know if it is right it will work out. It is just hard hearing the things that can negatively affect our chances you know. Anyway I was talking to my neighbor Paige who just told me she was pregnant and she was asking why I take Femara if I already ovulate on my own. I have asked that question to myself many times but haven't been able to figure it out. So I did a lot of research tonight to understand better and I think I finally get it. Femara is taken for those that do not ovulate on their own or for unexplained infertility problems which is the category that I fit into. When Femara is taken the enzyme "aromatase" is inhibited causing the estrogen levels to suppress. The pituitary gland then increases the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) as a result. Having the increase in the FSH can help with ensuring the follicle that is released is mature when in the ovary. The increase can also cause the ovary to release more eggs at a time. These both increase the chances of a good pregnancy hopefully without a miscarriage because the body has more eggs to choose from and can pick the best one, and the eggs that are available will hopefully be mature. One cause of miscarriage is when an immature egg is released. I know also understand why the doctor needs to see us again before we continue on our path because our egg supply is already low and taking a medication that causes more eggs to be sent lowers that number even more. So I am sure he will want to see what my number is and evaluate the best course of action at that time. But for now, I am hoping this cramping that I have felt today on my right side means I just completed implantation and will have a positive pregnancy test in 3-4 days. All I know is I have been praying for comfort; comfort that we will know what is right, comfort that if we don't get pregnant that we can be patient and at peace, and that if we have to have another miscarriage that we will be comforted at that time.....but I have been praying a lot specifically that I would much rather wait and wait some more to have another baby rather than go through the excitement of a pregnancy to then again lose it with another miscarriage. I know we could handle it, but oh boy I really really really do not want to even think about doing that again. I figure if this is a positive pregnancy test than keeping a journal and writing down my fears and worries will help my poor husband not have to listen to my stress everyday, as well as it will help me get through all of my fears and anxieties.

Ashlynn has been talking and interacting so much lately. The kids love seeing her say "Swim suit" especially since it usually comes out as "Swim poop". She wants to do everything the same as her brother and sister. If they have a crouton with salad she wants a crouton with salad- NO exceptions. We can usually get away with giving her a sippy cup, but sometimes she insists on having a big kid cup like Kaylee and Connor.

Today when I was talking to Connor whether or not he wanted to come with me to the store. Ashlynn immediately raised her hand and said "I come! I come!". She will go get her shoes and put her binky or blanky into her bed if we ask her to. As soon as we come inside she walks over to her shoe bin in the mudroom and puts her shoes away. She will sit and start taking her shoes off in the middle of the floor right as everyone is walking inside but she doesn't care. ha ha

I was folding laundry today and she said "I help!". So I told her that we were going to sort the clothes in piles. She grabbed her dress and yelled "Pile!" and put it in a clump on the floor. It was so cute. Then after I had finished sorting the laundry and made piles and had them folded and ready to be hung on a hanger. I found Ashlynn with her clothes pile carrying it around. It ended up landed on Connor's bed in a big pile of mess; but to Ashlynn it wasn't messy at all.

Ashlynn's favorite thing to help with is the dishes. I open the dishwasher and take out the sharp knives and then let her go to town. She will stack all the plates and then say "help" and wait for me to lift her up to the cupboard where she will set the plates down in the correct place. She also loves to move the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer and then push the button to start the dryer.

One thing I did with Kaylee and I believe Connor was after we brushed teeth before bed we would always stick our tongue out or make silly faces in the bathroom mirror. Ashlynn and I have been doing this lately. It is my favorite. I love how silly they can be.