I haven't posted on here for awhile because....4 kids 😏 I have posted a lot about what we have been up to on instagram and plan to print some chatbooks. But I really like this blog as a journal, and plan to start going back to as I find time.

Yes, the title says I am pregnant for the 9th time. Crazy. Remember, when we were trying for number #3 and how discouraged I was wondering if we would have anymore kids. Heavenly Father sure knows us and what we need when we need it doesn't He?!

After we had #4 (Kinslee) I didn't ever feel "done", but I also didn't think about having more kids. I took my minipill progesterone only birth control while I was nursing, and then when Kinslee finished nursing at 12 months I contemplated getting an IUD. But after having such struggles getting pregnant before and not getting a "for sure" confirmation that we have completed our family, I just couldn't do it. So I kept refilling my birth control and used it diligently every morning (it also helped remind me to feed the fish). My neighbor Paige got and IUD and gave me the rest of her pills since we took the same thing. At this point Kinslee was almost 17 months old and it felt like I needed to decide my plan. I am 33 years old and not getting any younger. Not to mention, when I saw the fertility specialist they told me my egg supply was low for my age (and that was years ago). I was sooo scared about going through all the emotions that come with that stinken first trimester, especially with my miscarriage history. But I literally could NOT get an IUD. It was as if I was being stopped from doing it. I told BJ about it- and he said he didn't feel like we needed to have another child, but he also felt like Heavenly Father would be happy with whatever decision we made. He described to me my thoughts of not being able to get the IUD as a "stupor of thought". In other words, we should start trying to have a baby. I still could not emotionally do it. It was just tough. After a lot of talk, we decided to finish the birth control I had, and then possibly start trying June of this year and if I didn't get pregnant by Dec then we would let it go.

I finished the birth control in the middle of April. I was then packing to get ready for Women's Conference on April 30th and realized that I had not started my period as I had expected that day. Still not thinking anything of it, I continued to pack. The following day I decided to take a pregnancy test on wimp so I didn't wonder while I was gone. It was very faint, but positive! I left without telling BJ about the test and had full intentions of not telling him until I was 12 weeks. I didn't want him to have to go through what I had to go through.

I went to Women's Conference with a big secret. I had some sore boobs and was starving, but no other pregnancy symptoms. While at Women's Conference I heard a talk by Brad Wilcox that helped me a lot. He described recognizing the Spirit to a traffic light. The RED light is when we are told "NO" firmly, and the GREEN light is a "for sure YES". He then described the YELLOW light as being where we are a lot of times in life...the "unsure" spot. Do we GO or STOP? He said, Heavenly Father will always give us a RED light if we need to STOP. So if we haven't received that, then to PROCEED with CAUTION.

After hearing this talk, I realized that Heavenly Father gave me a clear STOP to getting an IUD and that no matter what happens with this pregnancy that I should continue trying to have another baby. It was such an "aha" moment for me. When I came home and was telling BJ about the things I learned. I told him about the comparison to the Stop Light, and then felt like I should tell him about the pregnancy (2 days after I found out). I felt like I needed him to lean on, and should include him in this even if it's difficult.

I was going back and looking at my previous miscarriages, and am still nervous as most of them were not discovered until 9 weeks. My first OB appointment will be at 8 1/2 weeks. I have prayed a lot for comfort, and I truly have felt it. Now....we wait.

This year the World Horseshoe tournament was in St. George. They hold the tournaments all around the world, so when we found out it was going to be close by we decided to take our kiddo's and join in on the fun. Grandpa Scott really encouraged all the grandchildren to play as they were trying to beat a world record of the most young kids playing in the tournament. Kaylee and Connor had not really played much until this year. So we bought them both horseshoes and let them practice here and there in the grandparents backyard. They both participated in 3 or so tournaments to prepare for the world competition. At first neither one of them could throw the horseshoe into the pit, it was just such a far distance. But after some practice they both started to get it closer and closer. They are still in the 1-2% ringer percentage, but the more they play the better they are getting. Connor LOVES to play, and Kaylee is meh about it. Kaylee likes to play with her cousins but really has no desire to practice.

Today has been a little rough. Ashlynn has been really tricky lately. She struggles wanting to take a nap but can't quite make it the whole day without a nap so she will fall asleep on the couch or floor somewhere right around dinner time if we aren't careful. No matter if she takes a nap or not, she is miserable to put down for bed these days. Her new thing to say to me is "I don't like you. Go out!".

Tonight we changed Ashlynn's and Kaylee's room a little and put their beds back to how they originally had them. Ashlynn didn't like it and apparently while BJ and I were in the bedroom talking she carried all of her bedding onto the floor in Connor's room to sleep. We just left her and are hoping she will just sleep fantastic, but I am not losing hope. ha ha

 BJ then left just after dinner to go home and relieve his dad. He helped put the kids to bed and stayed at the house and got the kids to school the following morning before coming to pick up the baby and I to come home. That evening my brother Nate and his wife Kelsie came to visit.



The following day Tuesday morning/afternoon BJ took Ashlynn to City Creek with his dad while he came to the hospital to pick up the baby and I to go home.

Ashlynn was so cute and sang to her baby sister on the way home while holding her hand. That morning before we left to go home we got news from the hospital pediatrician that Kinslee's bilirubin level was a little elevated. The pediatrician ordered a bili light for Kinslee to use. We called and had the home health agency bring it later that day. We then used the bili light for two nights before meeting with our pediatrician after getting a follow up bilirubin test, where he apologized that the hospital pediatrician ordered the bili lights because he didn't feel like it was necessary and told us to have the home health agency come pick it up. We were very excited for this, because the bili light was very stressful and a lot more difficult than we had realized it would be. They ask you to have the baby lay on it without any blankets, and they are supposed to lay on it unless they were eating. Kinslee kept waking up because she would startle or because her little hands got cold. Needless to say the bili lights were not helpful in our transition home with the baby.