Connor sure misses Kaylee when she goes to preschool. A lot of the times I take him to the gym day care...or as he calls is- the "play place', while Kaylee is at preschool. We also use the time she is in preschool to run errands and have some one-on-one time. One day we drove to Layton with Michelle Jamison and her daughter Kate to get things ready for Conference, and stopped at Krispy Kreme.

 One of the prizes for the General Conference game this year was puzzles. These are 'Family puzzles'. They are made up of large pieces, but are big puzzles. They are the perfect puzzle for our family! The kids can each do a lot of the puzzle, but they need help from mom and dad to complete the whole thing since it is so big. We have since done 2 other puzzles and are loving every minute of it.

First off.... No, that is not a pregnancy test. This was taken a few months ago and is an OVULATION test. After seeing the fertility specialist, we had orders to just use ovulation kits for the first month and then we were to start the prescription of Femara for the next cycle in hopes of achieving pregnancy soon. Well, in that first cycle without the medication we found out we were pregnant. We found out when I was just shy of 4 weeks. Before I told BJ I made sure to get my HCG blood test done twice to ensure it was doubling before I let him know the exciting news. I knew how hard it was with our last miscarriage and didn't want to get his hopes up until it was a for sure thing. The blood work showed we were doubling and everything look good. Actually it all looked great- the numbers were even higher than usual for the week I was in my pregnancy.

So a few weeks later when the cramping and bleeding started we were pretty disappointed. I tried calling the doctor and after finding out they were out of the office that day- I met BJ in the ER to get checked out. They found a heartbeat in the ER but things didn't look good including the HCG numbers.

Unfortunately a few days later (6 1/2 weeks) I miscarried. This time was pretty hard. This was my worst fear especially after the last miscarriage. Two in a row. bleh.

I had been feeling pretty down (hormones all of the place really really don't help) and frustrated. We have been trying to get pregnant just under 2 years now. It was hard having to wait and wait. Patience is definitely something that has always been a weakness of mine. I got online on LDS.org and read an amazing talk by Elder Uchtdorf on Patience. I learned a lot from the talk, but a few things he said that I really enjoyed were as follows:

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace."

"Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"

I had really been questioning whether or not we were going to have more kids. We had been trying for a long time and according to the fertility specialist...we are on a short time line. I had been praying a lot for an answer in knowing we were supposed to have more kids so I could endure and wait till it was time. It is sometimes hard knowing whether what we want and what is right are the same thing (at least for me it is). After reading that last quote when Elder Utchdorf said we need to exercise faith in what we are patiently waiting for.

That was my answer. After reading that, I knew we were supposed to have more kids and this experience is teaching me a rare virtue- Patience. It may be awhile before it happens, but I now know what we are doing is the right thing. Heavenly Father knows us and what we need and when we need it. I just needed this experience to really understand that.

Since we are talking about blessings and answers to prayers. My KNEES are doing FANTASTIC! Heavenly Father once again blessed me and answered my prayers for good knees to do the things I want/need to do. Despite the hardships lately....I now know I.CAN. DO. HARD. THINGS.....and more than that- that Heavenly Father is there and loves me and answers my prayers.