Since I have been been trying to catch up on the blog/my journal. I just finished writing about our last miscarriage. I figured I better update you on our current pregnancy.

I will be 14 weeks pregnant on Saturday. But let me start at the beginning and give you some updates on how it has been going so far. We talked to Dr. Hatasaka and got a prescription for Femara. He gave us two refills on the prescription but told us if after the first attempt he wanted us to go back in for further testing. The further testing included repeating tests we had already done and then having me go to the Pleasant View's office to get a type of ultrasound that was more invasive and could only be performed in that office. We were really hesitant since these tests were to see why I was not getting pregnant. But the problem hasn't been getting pregnant....it has been keeping the pregnancy to term.

We used the first Femara which did not end in a pregnancy (this was before our last miscarriage). We then tried again with the first refill which ended with our last miscarriage. Even though we were supposed to do all these tests, we felt like we should give it one more try. The first cycle after our miscarriage in December we used ovulation tests but didn't take the fertility medication which did not result in a pregnancy. Then in February we decided to use our last refill Femara prescription to give it our all. My last period was Feb 11, 2017 so when I got rear-ended on Monday March 6th on my drive back to my house after helping my mom who was really dehydrated and not feeling well...I insisted they do a blood test to make sure I wasn't pregnant before I took any pain pills or muscle relaxers. They told me they would do a urine test, but since I had been following my cycle so closely I knew they would get a negative result since it was too early. The doctor I saw was my neighbor growing up- Dr. Christensen. I told him that I was using fertility medication and that the urine test wouldn't detect the hormone yet, so he ordered the blood test. I got the results the following day that I was indeed pregnant!

Instead of going through the fertility doctor we decided to go with Dr. Hansen and have them follow me closely. They ordered repeat HCG labs for every few days. We watched the HCG continue to double each time. Once my HCG got high enough they ordered an ultrasound. My HCG were as follows: (3/15/17= 2058, 3/17/17= 4582 and my last HCG test was 3/20/17= 11175). Once we got past 10,000 they decided to schedule an ultrasound.

Our first ultrasound was March 21st. The found a yoke sac and a possible fetal pole but they said it was just a little too early to tell for sure. So they asked us to come back for another ultrasound a week later. We were anxious to find out if everything was going ok since we were leaving for our trip to Italy shortly.

The next ultasound was March 28th where we saw the fetal pole with a HB of 119.

We then left for our trip to Italy the following day with the good news that things were looking good so far. On the trip to Italy I was pretty sick which was a good sign things were progressing.

When we got back home we went in for our appointment where they used a small hand held ultrasound to see that the baby was doing well and could see the heart beat and beating strong. The week after Easter we decided to share with the kids the news. I was pretty sick and really tired so we figured we better let them know what was going on. The kids then told some of their classmates and we told my family, but we didn't announce it on social media until just before I was 13 weeks and after we got another confirmation that things were going well by hearing the heartbeat with a doppler at my 12+ appointment. I cried and cried happy tears when I heard that heartbeat. I will never forget that moment.

Now we are caught up and to this week. This last Tuesday (4 days after I announced on social media that we were expecting and how excited we were) I was getting Ashlynn out of the car and I felt a huge gush of blood. I quickly took the kids inside the house and checked and totally panicked. My heart started beating so fast and I couldn't think straight. I kept trying to focus so I could put Ashlynn down for her nap. I then texted BJ and told him that I was bleeding and that it was a lot. I then called my mom and texted her "I need you". She asked me if I was ok, and I said. "No, I need you". She quickly sent her mom/my grandma Parker to come over and that she was on her way. Everyone got there around the same time. I was a total mess. BJ and I just hugged and cried together. We both thought this was the end. We left Ashlynn and Connor in the care of my mom and drove up to LDS hospital for an ultrasound. The whole drive was filled with so much emotion. So many tears and sadness.

As we were walking down the hallway for the ultrasound and we went into the room BJ had a sigh of relief. He later told me that he was hoping we weren't going into the other ultrasound room because that was the room they told us we were miscarrying in one of our previous miscarriages. I had not remembered that, but I was glad we didn't go in that same room for his peace of mind.

The ultrasound went PERFECT! There was no bleeding. The baby was moving around and had a hearbeat in the 150's. After calling the on call doctor that night after not hearing from the nurse or doctor, we got the official results and everything on the ultrasound showed things were perfect. Their only guess is that I had part of the placenta pull up causing the blood vessels to be exposed which caused the bleed. They said since the ultrasound looked good and that I wasn't bleeding more that they were hopeful it was an isolated event. They also said that they don't know why the placenta pulls away and they cant stop it if it continues. So they called it a "threatened miscarriage" and told me to take it easy for a bit.




SOooo I told work I needed to take some time off, and we have just been taking it easy. Am I still nervous?! You betcha! We have been through soo much. BJ gave me a Priesthood blessing and that helped comfort me a lot. I keep feeling period of peace, but I felt that with my last miscarriage as well. I know things will turn out the way they are supposed to, and honestly right now that feels like this baby is going to come join our family. I hope I am right. Tonight for the first time I felt flutters of the baby's movement. While watching Kaylee's baseball game I could have sworn the baby had the hiccups. I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and I know that he has the ability to keep this baby safe if that is where he/she needs to be right now. I am praying so hard that is the case. But for now, I am enjoying these little tiny movements and trying to stay positive.

Everynight after the kids brush their teeth they go into their rooms and say their prayers. For the past year or two Kaylee has said "Bless that I have good dreams, no bad dreams or no dreams"; those exact words every single night. It all started when she was having some bad dreams and we told her to say a prayer to help her to have good dreams. She thought about it and wanted good dreams and not bad dreams....but then added the "no dreams" part in case she wasn't clear. She just knew if she said that in her prayer that it would help and I LOVE that.

Now when she has a bad dream she is just sure that she must not have said it in her prayers, or that she missed the part of "no dreams". It is the sweetest thing.

We then of course end the night with our routine that has also been in effect for years now. We do a hug, kiss, high five, pound it (fist pump), huggamugga (aka eskimo kiss), and then a "la la la" where you wiggle your fingers to each other and say "lalalala". We do this everynight when we put the kids to bed and when we leave them for a date night or if we will be gone for longer than a few minutes. We are so used to doing it that we don't usually notice when we do it in front of people that haven't seen it. It has just become a tradition and one that I love so much.

As these kids get older I am more and more grateful for the special moments we have with them. Tonight I read the book "I'm not going to get up today" and made funny commentary to the kids as I read it. They were giggling and Kaylee was even slapping her hand on her leg as she laughed (that was the first time I had seen her do it. She must have seen someone else do it recently). They begged and begged for me to keep reading to them. Ashlynn enjoyed some books earlier but while we were reading she decided to take advantage of the Lego table being open and said "I pway yeggos" with a big grin. Man I love these kids!

Well, this has taken me some time to write. When I went in for my 7 week ultrasound at the fertility doctor's office with Dr. Hatasaka they did not see a HB. The fetal pole was still present but measuring 6 weeks 1 day (or close to it- I can't remember now for sure) and the gestational sac was measuring the same. The doctor said he is okay with the gestational sac measuring a week off, but the fetal pole he likes to see a lot closer especially since we had already obtained measurements before and it didn't grow as fast as he wanted. He told us to come back and that there was maybe a 10% they find a heart beat in a week, but he said "it wasn't looking good".

The doctor then gave me the "sad eyes" which I hate. I held it in until he left the room but then cried in BJ's arms. I only cried for a little bit and tried really really hard to just be tough. We didn't make the f/u ultrasound and figured we would just wait until I miscarried on my own.  There was only one day that I had told BJ I felt like my symptoms had gone away, but then the following day I was nauseous again. I had sore boobs, was tired, peeing a lot etc... It was so hard having all the symptoms but knew it was not going to be a viable pregnancy.

December 9th I messaged the nurse of my OB Dr. Hansen. I shared the news of the ultrasound from Dr Hatasaka and told her that I didn't schedule the follow up ultrasound appointment telling her that I pretty much knew I was going to miscarry. I told them with the year that I had that I would prefer not to have to have another surgery but that I was worried about miscarrying over Christmas. So we made a plan to wait it out but to go ahead with the D&C if it took too long for me to miscarry on my own.

Dr. Hansen asked me to follow the HCG quants to make sure it was going down, and I asked if we could schedule the D&C for the following tuesday if I had not miscarried on my own already. The ultrasound had already shown that the baby had not grown for a week so I was hopeful I would just start the process of miscarrying on my own. Dr. Hansen did give us the option of us doing the D&C on Tuesday, but I realized that was BJ and I's anniversary so instead we planned on Friday Dec 16th. Dr. Hansen felt more comfortable with us doing one more ultrasound before we did the D&C since the fertility doctor had recommended it. So we scheduled the ultrasound for the evening before. That Thursday was rough. The ultrasound tech found a heartbeat, but the baby was still measuring at just over 6 weeks and the gestational sac was misshapen and things did not look good. So we knew I was still going to miscarry, but it was that much harder seeing the heartbeat first.

Needless to say we canceled the D&C and I waited to miscarry on my own. Friday Dec 16th late morning I started to bleed. I was grateful we didn't have to do the D&C and that I could be home with my family. We continued to follow the blood levels until 12/21/17.

I then ended up having to work Christmas 2-10 that night. It was rough, but we got the morning together and I realized through everything we have been through how blessed we are to be with each other. I love my kids so much and am so grateful we have been able to have them join our family. I am also extremely grateful for my husband and the rock he is to me and our family. He has stayed strong through all that we have been though and it amazes me every time.