Since I have been been trying to catch up on the blog/my journal. I just finished writing about our last miscarriage. I figured I better update you on our current pregnancy.

I will be 14 weeks pregnant on Saturday. But let me start at the beginning and give you some updates on how it has been going so far. We talked to Dr. Hatasaka and got a prescription for Femara. He gave us two refills on the prescription but told us if after the first attempt he wanted us to go back in for further testing. The further testing included repeating tests we had already done and then having me go to the Pleasant View's office to get a type of ultrasound that was more invasive and could only be performed in that office. We were really hesitant since these tests were to see why I was not getting pregnant. But the problem hasn't been getting pregnant....it has been keeping the pregnancy to term.

We used the first Femara which did not end in a pregnancy (this was before our last miscarriage). We then tried again with the first refill which ended with our last miscarriage. Even though we were supposed to do all these tests, we felt like we should give it one more try. The first cycle after our miscarriage in December we used ovulation tests but didn't take the fertility medication which did not result in a pregnancy. Then in February we decided to use our last refill Femara prescription to give it our all. My last period was Feb 11, 2017 so when I got rear-ended on Monday March 6th on my drive back to my house after helping my mom who was really dehydrated and not feeling well...I insisted they do a blood test to make sure I wasn't pregnant before I took any pain pills or muscle relaxers. They told me they would do a urine test, but since I had been following my cycle so closely I knew they would get a negative result since it was too early. The doctor I saw was my neighbor growing up- Dr. Christensen. I told him that I was using fertility medication and that the urine test wouldn't detect the hormone yet, so he ordered the blood test. I got the results the following day that I was indeed pregnant!

Instead of going through the fertility doctor we decided to go with Dr. Hansen and have them follow me closely. They ordered repeat HCG labs for every few days. We watched the HCG continue to double each time. Once my HCG got high enough they ordered an ultrasound. My HCG were as follows: (3/15/17= 2058, 3/17/17= 4582 and my last HCG test was 3/20/17= 11175). Once we got past 10,000 they decided to schedule an ultrasound.

Our first ultrasound was March 21st. The found a yoke sac and a possible fetal pole but they said it was just a little too early to tell for sure. So they asked us to come back for another ultrasound a week later. We were anxious to find out if everything was going ok since we were leaving for our trip to Italy shortly.

The next ultasound was March 28th where we saw the fetal pole with a HB of 119.

We then left for our trip to Italy the following day with the good news that things were looking good so far. On the trip to Italy I was pretty sick which was a good sign things were progressing.

When we got back home we went in for our appointment where they used a small hand held ultrasound to see that the baby was doing well and could see the heart beat and beating strong. The week after Easter we decided to share with the kids the news. I was pretty sick and really tired so we figured we better let them know what was going on. The kids then told some of their classmates and we told my family, but we didn't announce it on social media until just before I was 13 weeks and after we got another confirmation that things were going well by hearing the heartbeat with a doppler at my 12+ appointment. I cried and cried happy tears when I heard that heartbeat. I will never forget that moment.

Now we are caught up and to this week. This last Tuesday (4 days after I announced on social media that we were expecting and how excited we were) I was getting Ashlynn out of the car and I felt a huge gush of blood. I quickly took the kids inside the house and checked and totally panicked. My heart started beating so fast and I couldn't think straight. I kept trying to focus so I could put Ashlynn down for her nap. I then texted BJ and told him that I was bleeding and that it was a lot. I then called my mom and texted her "I need you". She asked me if I was ok, and I said. "No, I need you". She quickly sent her mom/my grandma Parker to come over and that she was on her way. Everyone got there around the same time. I was a total mess. BJ and I just hugged and cried together. We both thought this was the end. We left Ashlynn and Connor in the care of my mom and drove up to LDS hospital for an ultrasound. The whole drive was filled with so much emotion. So many tears and sadness.

As we were walking down the hallway for the ultrasound and we went into the room BJ had a sigh of relief. He later told me that he was hoping we weren't going into the other ultrasound room because that was the room they told us we were miscarrying in one of our previous miscarriages. I had not remembered that, but I was glad we didn't go in that same room for his peace of mind.

The ultrasound went PERFECT! There was no bleeding. The baby was moving around and had a hearbeat in the 150's. After calling the on call doctor that night after not hearing from the nurse or doctor, we got the official results and everything on the ultrasound showed things were perfect. Their only guess is that I had part of the placenta pull up causing the blood vessels to be exposed which caused the bleed. They said since the ultrasound looked good and that I wasn't bleeding more that they were hopeful it was an isolated event. They also said that they don't know why the placenta pulls away and they cant stop it if it continues. So they called it a "threatened miscarriage" and told me to take it easy for a bit.




SOooo I told work I needed to take some time off, and we have just been taking it easy. Am I still nervous?! You betcha! We have been through soo much. BJ gave me a Priesthood blessing and that helped comfort me a lot. I keep feeling period of peace, but I felt that with my last miscarriage as well. I know things will turn out the way they are supposed to, and honestly right now that feels like this baby is going to come join our family. I hope I am right. Tonight for the first time I felt flutters of the baby's movement. While watching Kaylee's baseball game I could have sworn the baby had the hiccups. I know that our Heavenly Father has a plan for us, and I know that he has the ability to keep this baby safe if that is where he/she needs to be right now. I am praying so hard that is the case. But for now, I am enjoying these little tiny movements and trying to stay positive.

Everynight after the kids brush their teeth they go into their rooms and say their prayers. For the past year or two Kaylee has said "Bless that I have good dreams, no bad dreams or no dreams"; those exact words every single night. It all started when she was having some bad dreams and we told her to say a prayer to help her to have good dreams. She thought about it and wanted good dreams and not bad dreams....but then added the "no dreams" part in case she wasn't clear. She just knew if she said that in her prayer that it would help and I LOVE that.

Now when she has a bad dream she is just sure that she must not have said it in her prayers, or that she missed the part of "no dreams". It is the sweetest thing.

We then of course end the night with our routine that has also been in effect for years now. We do a hug, kiss, high five, pound it (fist pump), huggamugga (aka eskimo kiss), and then a "la la la" where you wiggle your fingers to each other and say "lalalala". We do this everynight when we put the kids to bed and when we leave them for a date night or if we will be gone for longer than a few minutes. We are so used to doing it that we don't usually notice when we do it in front of people that haven't seen it. It has just become a tradition and one that I love so much.

As these kids get older I am more and more grateful for the special moments we have with them. Tonight I read the book "I'm not going to get up today" and made funny commentary to the kids as I read it. They were giggling and Kaylee was even slapping her hand on her leg as she laughed (that was the first time I had seen her do it. She must have seen someone else do it recently). They begged and begged for me to keep reading to them. Ashlynn enjoyed some books earlier but while we were reading she decided to take advantage of the Lego table being open and said "I pway yeggos" with a big grin. Man I love these kids!

Well, this has taken me some time to write. When I went in for my 7 week ultrasound at the fertility doctor's office with Dr. Hatasaka they did not see a HB. The fetal pole was still present but measuring 6 weeks 1 day (or close to it- I can't remember now for sure) and the gestational sac was measuring the same. The doctor said he is okay with the gestational sac measuring a week off, but the fetal pole he likes to see a lot closer especially since we had already obtained measurements before and it didn't grow as fast as he wanted. He told us to come back and that there was maybe a 10% they find a heart beat in a week, but he said "it wasn't looking good".

The doctor then gave me the "sad eyes" which I hate. I held it in until he left the room but then cried in BJ's arms. I only cried for a little bit and tried really really hard to just be tough. We didn't make the f/u ultrasound and figured we would just wait until I miscarried on my own.  There was only one day that I had told BJ I felt like my symptoms had gone away, but then the following day I was nauseous again. I had sore boobs, was tired, peeing a lot etc... It was so hard having all the symptoms but knew it was not going to be a viable pregnancy.

December 9th I messaged the nurse of my OB Dr. Hansen. I shared the news of the ultrasound from Dr Hatasaka and told her that I didn't schedule the follow up ultrasound appointment telling her that I pretty much knew I was going to miscarry. I told them with the year that I had that I would prefer not to have to have another surgery but that I was worried about miscarrying over Christmas. So we made a plan to wait it out but to go ahead with the D&C if it took too long for me to miscarry on my own.

Dr. Hansen asked me to follow the HCG quants to make sure it was going down, and I asked if we could schedule the D&C for the following tuesday if I had not miscarried on my own already. The ultrasound had already shown that the baby had not grown for a week so I was hopeful I would just start the process of miscarrying on my own. Dr. Hansen did give us the option of us doing the D&C on Tuesday, but I realized that was BJ and I's anniversary so instead we planned on Friday Dec 16th. Dr. Hansen felt more comfortable with us doing one more ultrasound before we did the D&C since the fertility doctor had recommended it. So we scheduled the ultrasound for the evening before. That Thursday was rough. The ultrasound tech found a heartbeat, but the baby was still measuring at just over 6 weeks and the gestational sac was misshapen and things did not look good. So we knew I was still going to miscarry, but it was that much harder seeing the heartbeat first.

Needless to say we canceled the D&C and I waited to miscarry on my own. Friday Dec 16th late morning I started to bleed. I was grateful we didn't have to do the D&C and that I could be home with my family. We continued to follow the blood levels until 12/21/17.

I then ended up having to work Christmas 2-10 that night. It was rough, but we got the morning together and I realized through everything we have been through how blessed we are to be with each other. I love my kids so much and am so grateful we have been able to have them join our family. I am also extremely grateful for my husband and the rock he is to me and our family. He has stayed strong through all that we have been though and it amazes me every time.

Isn't that so weird to think that this will be my 7th pregnancy! Three miscarriages and three amazing kiddos...hopefully this will be another amazing child as well :)

Well, I got my HCG results back. The first one was taken (11-14-16 2 days before my period was due and 13 days following my positive Ovulation test. That number was 59.3 (above 20 means you are pregnant- and for 3 weeks 5 days the numbers vary all over the place but it was a good number from what I understand. Here is a guideline but their are many different ones out there:

3 weeks.....0-50
4 weeks......5-426
5 weeks......18-7,340
6 weeks.......1,080-56,500
7-8 weeks.....7,650-229,000
and then the number start to drop
9-12 weeks..... 25,700-288,000
13-16 weeks...13,300-254,000
17-24 weeks....4,060-165,400
25-40 weeks.....3,640-117,000

I then got my HCG rechecked almost exactly 48 hours later (the numbers are supposed to double every 24-72 hours) and my number was 135! So that is also really good news. It was cute, I took Ashlynn with me to get my blood drawn both times and she just put her hand out waiting for the people drawing my blood to give her hand some stretchy Coban just like mama. The moment they gave it to her she held her hand out straight like she broke it ha ha.  They are now going to schedule me for a ultrasound with my fertility doctor where they will check to make sure their is a yoke sac and that everything is looking good. They should't be able to see a heartbeat at this point, but they can hopefully see if the pregnancy will continue.

As far as how I am feeling. I am feeling pretty good and calm. Definitely not getting excited yet, but I have felt at peace a lot. If you ask my husband I have been really really onry and tired. ;)

Symptoms I have been having:
* Sore boobs
* Dizzy!!
- Oh man I have been so dizzy. I did fall over once but I knew I was going to I just couldn't stop myself. I stood up too quickly and felt the blood rush to my head but I wanted to finish what I was doing and BAM on the ground. This time however I have felt dizzy even just sitting there which is odd. I read that your BP drops when you are pregnant so I am sure that is the problem since I already run low in my BP. 
* Slight Cramping
-This happened with all of my previous pregnancies including the ones where I didn't have miscarriages. When I had a miscarriage I had really strong cramps and then bleeding but I haven't had any of that so that is good.
* Nauseous
- Only once- and it must have been right after I implanted when the hormones were really high and all of the sudden, because it hasn't happened since. I don't usually get nauseous until around 6 weeks or so,
* Cravings
- I did have this with my last period though as well. The hormones really affect what I think my body needs. But this time around it has been a lot more than my periods but not more than my last miscarriage. Since the hormones are being produced even though their is no baby I still got cravings. My first craving was for a hamburger and french fries. It was 1030 in the morning and I was running errands with Ashlynn and all of the sudden I started craving it and we had to go get it RIGHT then. The moment I pulled out the hamburger I almost couldn't eat it because it made me sick thinking about it lol. The next and biggest craving I have had and continue to have is PICKLE JUICE! YUM! It is sooooo good. My mouth is watering right now thinking about it, so I think I will go get some :D LOL

Anyway that is the update. I will write how the ultrasound goes

Okay, here is my update on the fertility stuff. I did not get pregnant in October nor did I with my last prescription. So, I had to go in and see the fertility doctor. Doctor Hatasaka did a ultrasoun to check on the follicles and my ovaries. If I remember it right...My left ovary was significantly smaller than the right, but both were a little smaller than what they should have been. My right ovary had 5 follicles and the Left had 3 or somethink around that (I should have blogged about it right after so I would remember). Each follicle should have have 8-10 I believe. Anyway my numbers are sticking at the "fair" zone as far as the ovarian reserve goes. The doctor said with it being so long since I was pregnant he wanted me to have BJ do a sperm count and check that, and then have me go in and get a special ultrasound that would have to be performed in Pleasant grove. We both didn't feel good about going through all of that emotionally, because we know we can get pregnant. The doctor than gave us a prescription for Femara again. He wrote it for 2 refills but told me he wanted me to go in and have the tests done first and then we could do the femara after that, but he did tell me I could do one more cycle. We hadn't decided if we wanted to wait or if we just wanted to use all three prescriptions and try three months in a row, but we did decide that we didn't feel it was right to go through all the tests.

So last month we decided to give it one more big try and then go from there. I have felt a lot of comfort and peace throughout all of this. I know things could be worse. We are blessed with 3 amazing kids and I know that and I am not ungrateful, we just kept feeling like there was one more. My last period was October 19th, 2016. We used the ovulation tests and timed intercourse. I charted all the little cramps and weird feelings I was having and today I got a faint positive pregnancy test (2 days before my period was due). I went into the fertility clinic and got my HCG done and am still waiting for the results. We are then going to get a ultrasound done and then go from there. I decided to make an appointment with my OB because it usually takes a bit to get in with them and I figure I could cancel if I needed to. When she called me back and said "Congratulations on your pregnancy". I just said "Oh, thanks" in a non excited tone. She immediately said "Oh, can you talk right now?". I said "Yeah". I think she was just so surprised I didn't show any excitement. I think BJ and I are in the same boat and we just don't want to get too excited until we know everything is ok. It will help seeing the heart beat for sure, but I don't think I will breath a sigh of relief until maybe 20 weeks and even then I think I will still have a small fear. I was talking to a few nurses at work about the fertility medication and our miscarriages. Two of the nurses were shocked "You want another child?" "Dont you already have some?" "How many kids do you want?" "You will have to get another car now huh". Obviously I was pretty annoyed with their comments, but I kept it to myself and replied "Yes, we do want another". Then one of the other nurses piped up and told us that she has three kids but had 8 miscarriages in between them. :( All of this made me realize how blessed we are and that no matter what happens this go around that I am just so grateful. Who knows how many kids we will have, but for now I am just really excited for the chance to have more. We still have a chance and I know that is more than what other woman can say with their medical history. I also am sooo grateful for our three little munchkins. LOVE being their mom
Oh and I wanted to write this down since I took the time to figure it all out and will want to have reference:
Kaylee born 02/20/2010 (due 02/20/2010 water broke)
Connor born 06/29/2011 (due 06/25/11)
Miscarriage #1 9 weeks D &C around 8-15-13
Miscarriage #2 6 1/2 weeks (natural miscarriage) HCG drawn around 6 1/2 weeks (02/19/14-78.1, 02/21/14- 194.0) and then the ultrasound confirmed miscarriage
Ashlynn HCG (05/06/16- 171.6 4 weeks 2 days?) born 01/10/2015 (due 01/15/2015- NICU, home O2)
Miscarriage #3 10 1/2 weeks found out on April 1st 2016 (D & C shortly after, confirmed through ultrasound). HCG drawn at 10 1/2 weeks: (April 1st, 2016: 9,745 and April 3rd: 9,304) Progesterone 4/1/16: 9.6

10-11-16 It is day 20 in my 28 day cycle and my mind is busy thinking about having another baby. We have felt like we have another child waiting to join our family for awhile now, but we have gone through three miscarriages that have been really tough. I also had a lot of medical problems that came up (knee surgeries, foot surgery, and oh yeah my parotid tumor surgery) which has caused a lot of delays in our trying to have another child. The fertility doctor gave us last month and this month to use Femara to try to improve our chances of getting pregnant before he wants me to come in to get tested and to talk to him about a plan. I was really struggling with the thought of having to go in to see this doctor again and to hear bad news even though I know if it is right it will work out. It is just hard hearing the things that can negatively affect our chances you know. Anyway I was talking to my neighbor Paige who just told me she was pregnant and she was asking why I take Femara if I already ovulate on my own. I have asked that question to myself many times but haven't been able to figure it out. So I did a lot of research tonight to understand better and I think I finally get it. Femara is taken for those that do not ovulate on their own or for unexplained infertility problems which is the category that I fit into. When Femara is taken the enzyme "aromatase" is inhibited causing the estrogen levels to suppress. The pituitary gland then increases the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) as a result. Having the increase in the FSH can help with ensuring the follicle that is released is mature when in the ovary. The increase can also cause the ovary to release more eggs at a time. These both increase the chances of a good pregnancy hopefully without a miscarriage because the body has more eggs to choose from and can pick the best one, and the eggs that are available will hopefully be mature. One cause of miscarriage is when an immature egg is released. I know also understand why the doctor needs to see us again before we continue on our path because our egg supply is already low and taking a medication that causes more eggs to be sent lowers that number even more. So I am sure he will want to see what my number is and evaluate the best course of action at that time. But for now, I am hoping this cramping that I have felt today on my right side means I just completed implantation and will have a positive pregnancy test in 3-4 days. All I know is I have been praying for comfort; comfort that we will know what is right, comfort that if we don't get pregnant that we can be patient and at peace, and that if we have to have another miscarriage that we will be comforted at that time.....but I have been praying a lot specifically that I would much rather wait and wait some more to have another baby rather than go through the excitement of a pregnancy to then again lose it with another miscarriage. I know we could handle it, but oh boy I really really really do not want to even think about doing that again. I figure if this is a positive pregnancy test than keeping a journal and writing down my fears and worries will help my poor husband not have to listen to my stress everyday, as well as it will help me get through all of my fears and anxieties.