After trying to get pregnant for the past year in a half and going through the miscarriage 4 months ago- we finally decided to go see a fertility specialist. I knew I could get pregnant since I have two amazing sweet kids but it just wasn't happening.

I went in for some labs and a vaginal ultrasound with Dr. Hatasaki and a few days later had BJ get tested, and then we ended with a consultation with the doctor.

The vaginal ultrasound found everything in working order without any cysts or problems with the Endometrium...but they only found 6 follicles on my right ovary and only 3 on my left. They like to see at least 8 on each follicle (16 total) and I had 9 total. The labs corresponded with the findings on my ultrasound and unfortunately gave us some bad news.

The follicles represent how many eggs I have left and is called the ovarian reserve. Women are born with how many eggs they will have in their lifetime so whatever I have left can not be changed. There are four categories in the Ovarian reserve: Excellent, Good, Fair, and Poor.

I was in the FAIR Ovarian Reserve category...but barely (I am pretty close to Poor). Each month I have a pretty low chance of getting pregnant and depending on how fast my eggs are dying than we may not have very long at all to get pregnant. During the consultation the doctor made the comment "You are not infertile...but close". Just to give you an idea, the doctor showed us on a graph what our numbers represented and my numbers were what 42 year old women have.

I was sick sick to my stomach. We have always wanted a lot of kids. Six at least. I mean 4 wasn't out of the question that was the LEAST amount of kids we wanted and to find out a few days before my 28th birthday that we may not even be able to have a few more kids was just devastating.

I cried and cried and cried that night we found out. I didn't sleep much at all. A few people would tell me "Heavenly Father has a plan and if it is meant for you to have more kids than you will" but it is still so hard since I don't know what His plan is for us.

Needless to say it has been a rough few days, but it has caused me to be really reflective and sooo grateful for the two kids that we do have!

We are starting on a medication called Femara for my next cycle in hopes that it will improve our chances of conceiving another child...and will do that for at least 2-3 cycles. The next step after that is injections and IVF follows that (but of course that is $10,000). We are just starting with using the ovulation tests and trying the medication for now and will just have to follow our gut and see what we should/need to do next.

But for now....Here is an update on my Amazing kids!!

Connor

Connor is talking like crazy and makes me laugh many times a day. He gets really shy and timid when he is around a lot of people he doesn't know and they acknowledge him.  Connor has many books memorized and will read them along with me at night. We get to spend a lot of time together when Kaylee goes to preschool twice a week...and I really have cherished that one-on-one time with him.

Connor loves his daddy so much and if he doesn't give him a hug, kiss, high five, bowl of mush and a pound it before he leaves for work he will just cry and cry at the front door yelling for his daddy.

Connor still loves to cuddle and will rock-a-bye for naps until he falls asleep and then we move him over to his bed. He LOVES music and especially likes to hear mommy sing the primary songs to him at night. He doesn't usually sing with you but he knows the words and if I skip a verse he will cue me and tell me to sing that part....and if you watch him when he plays by himself he will sing to himself. At night we always put Kaylee down to bed first and Connor comes into mom and dad's bed and lays with us until Kaylee is asleep, he then is spoiled rotten and lays down with the ipad music next to his bed until he falls asleep. He will come out of his room many times asking for us to put his blanket on him, but eventually he goes to sleep and he is so cute about everything it is so hard not to get mad at him.

We have been working on counting and recognizing number with Connor. He can count to 30!! He misses 12, 13, 14 a few times and says them out of order but everything else he has got down (probably due to the many times we play hide and go seek).

Connor loves Monsters Inc still and LOVES reading books and playing I-SPY. He is so close to the spirit and if someone else cries or is sad, he will just start crying himself. He will still eat just about anything (except potatoes for some weird reason)

Since October he hasn't grown an inch in height- but his belly is sure starting to poke out and it is the cutest thing ever.
Kaylee

Kaylee tells me all the time that I am her best friend and it makes my day! Kaylee is so sweet and super duper smart. Kaylee is ahead of her preschool class and is working one-on-one with her preschool teacher to work on reading.

Kaylee just bore her testimony this last Sunday and said "and I LOVE Jesus" and caused everyone's eyes to water. I told her when she said she wanted to get up that she had to say it all by herself, and she sure did! I was so proud of her, and when I got a few messages and e-mails about how much her testimony touched everyone-I was even more grateful for this sweet daughter we have in our lives.

Kaylee has just recently given up naps but will sit in her room for quiet time for one hour. One day she requested the number 2 (she said "I love the number 2") so I told her she could stay up there for 2 hours if she wanted. She smiled and said ok...and then said "Wait...is that a long time?".

Kaylee is a deep sleeper and goes right down for bed at 8pm. She loves to have her back tickled while you sing her a song (usually 'little bunny foo foo').

Kaylee is such a good helper when it comes to cleaning and if you give her incentive she will pick up all the toys in a room (and for the most part she will just do it when asked as well). She really wants to learn how to read, and will ask me to help her sound out the words. She can sound out a lot of letters but hasn't been able to combine them yet. She writes her name out really well and can also write MOM, and DAD all by herself.

Just recently Kaylee has been into pretend play and will come up with the most creative games. She also loves to color and draw pictures. Kaylee also has this amazing talent to remember words to songs after hearing it for the first time and once she has learned it she will sing it loud and proud! I will have to share a video of her singing "We Believe" from the EFY CD or any of the Frozen songs. I keep being told what a great singer she is in Primary as well.

I can't imagine my life without this girl. I talk to her about everything just like when she was younger. We love you Kaylee bean!