Watch after Kaylee walks away from the pantry and falls. She goes up really slowly brushing her arm up her leg. I can't get over how funny it is so I thought I would share. And NO- we did not teach her this!

I wanted to record my feelings about when I found out I was pregnant. I have a mommy journal that I should be writing it in. But right now it is on my mind and seems so much easier to type it up then write it down. Maybe I will just copy and print this page and insert it into my book :)

At the beginning of October I had this crazy feeling that I should be getting pregnant again. It was on my mind ALL the time. I had dreams about having babies and thought about it all the time. It FREAKED me out. I called my friend Nina and told her about it. I wasn't ready I told her. I don't want to get pregnant right now. In fact- I don't even want to think about it. I told BJ and we decided to go to the temple and pray about it. Well we never got to the temple and then just decided to wait for a while because I didn't feel ready. BJ and I had talked about starting to try to have a baby in December. One day at the end of October I was acting really emotional. One minute I would be nagging BJ and getting mad at the silliest thing and the next I would be laughing about it. Once I started laughing- I walked up to BJ and said, "I need to take a pregnancy test". BJ didn't think I was pregnant but agreed to let me do it. I ended up taking the test that night when BJ was at the store finishing getting a few things for our Halloween party.



My first reaction when the test was positive was excitement- but quickly after I started crying. "How can I love another baby as much as I love Kaylee", "two babies in cribs, two babies in diapers", "I don't want to take away attention from little Kaylee", "what are people going to say" (yes I am embarrassed by that one. But some people can be mean and I worried about how I would take the criticism). When BJ came home I didn't do it any cute way. I just walked up to him and said "I am pregnant!" He was like, "really?" and just got the biggest grin and hugged me and said how excited he was.


The following week I was freaking out. Nobody else knew and I had talked to BJ about it everyday. I was scared and nervous and wasn't sure if I was ready or if I could be ready by the time the baby came. Whenever I would say to him "Aren't you FREAKED out!?" He would say, "no. I am totally at peace with this. I know that everything is going to be ok."



After I got through the first week of FREAKING out. I am now totally EXCITED!!! I can't wait. Don't judge me- but I actually like being pregnant. I love feeling the baby move. Of course having to pee a lot, getting big, and having acid reflux isn't fun but having the baby afterwards is totally worth it. Kaylee is going to LOVE being a big sister. I can't wait!!!

BJ and I have been married for 3 years now. We have created some amazing and long lasting memories. BJ and I take turns planning our anniversary every year. Well- this year it was BJ's turn and he did fantastic.


BJ told me that we were going to stay home this year; but he promised it would be something fun and different. I told him that since I am here all day everyday that the house had to be really clean or that is all I will think about. BJ amazed me like usual by cleaning all the bathrooms and making sure the downstairs was spotless.


Our anniversary landed on a Monday so we decided to celebrate on the weekend and just go to dinner on our actual anniversary. So on Saturday we went to the Normal Christmas party and then our ward Christmas party. I then took Kaylee to my parents for her very first sleepover while BJ set up. I came home to this.....




He ordered the clear curtains online and actually made the posts he hung them on with PVC pipe. BJ made a DVD of pictures of the past year as well as two other home videos. It was so much fun to watch them and remember all that we have done together and see some of the fun times we have had.





On Monday BJ once again surprised me with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. Oh they smell soo good! He then surprised me again and took Kaylee and I to the place where we ate on our very first date.




This is a small Italian restaurant in Salt Lake City. On our first date BJ came and got me after working on the ICS unit at Primary Children's Hospital. I remember changing out of my scrubs and BJ was surprised and said, "why did you change!" ha I kind of felt stupid.

I ordered a salad that ended up being HUGE. I still give BJ a hard time about this..but as we were eating- BJ leaned over and put a few olives on his fork and as he was eating it he said, "your not going to eat that are you?" he he I didn't care but was a little taken back. Nobody has ever eaten off my plate before.

We had an enjoyable lunch and then as we were getting into the car we shared a half a piece of gum. We laugh about it now- because we both only wanted a half a piece instead of a whole. Oh it must have been fate. :)

Last weekend we went to BJ's families Christmas party. Kaylee got to sit on Santa's lap for the first time. I took this pictures right after each other- and this is how fast Kaylee got off Santa's lap!







It was a fun party with great food. Oh and BJ's cousin proposed to his girlfriend while she was sitting on santa's lap. We are really excited for them!

Some days I feel like I accomplished a lot. It makes me feel good. This morning I read Kaylee a story and kissed my hand to blow her a kiss and she put her little hand up to her face and kissed it back to me. My heart just melted. Moments like that make me realize how blessed I am to be a mom and what a blessing it is to be home with Kaylee everyday.

And then I have days or moments where I get nothing done. I am lazy and sit around reading or getting on the computer all day. And BJ comes home and nothing sounds good to me so dinner is not made. He comes home and makes dinner and does everything. I feel horrible about myself.

I really enjoy the time I have with Kaylee everyday. I am grateful for my home health job so I can work a few hours a week while still being able to stay home with Kaylee. But I worry. I worry that I am losing all that I learned in school. I worry that I will never get to work in a hospital because I wont be able to remember the things I need to in order to do that.

I am so excited to have another baby. Last night I was feeling down and Kaylee just cuddled right up next to me and gave me the biggest hug for like 5 minutes. I just started to tear up. I love her so much. I can't wait to have another baby to love and who will love me that much. But I am nervous. Those first few weeks right after having a baby are rough. My emotions are all over the place. How will I do it with two.

Sometimes I feel like I am working hard at being a good friend to someone and they don't reciprocate. I feel like I may think of them more than they think of me. I am sure they don't mean to. And I am sure I have done that to friends as well without realizing it. I just feel like sometimes everyone is just so busy.

I know this is all the hormones and emotions from pregnancy talking but I just needed to write it down so I can hopefully feel better.

I know that I am beyond blessed and I just need to focus on the positive. I watched the movie "ELF" last night. I wish I was like that all the time. He doesn't care what anybody thinks of him. He smiles because he likes smiling. And he just enjoys everyday like it is his last. I think I just needed that reminder.