Some days I feel like I accomplished a lot. It makes me feel good. This morning I read Kaylee a story and kissed my hand to blow her a kiss and she put her little hand up to her face and kissed it back to me. My heart just melted. Moments like that make me realize how blessed I am to be a mom and what a blessing it is to be home with Kaylee everyday.

And then I have days or moments where I get nothing done. I am lazy and sit around reading or getting on the computer all day. And BJ comes home and nothing sounds good to me so dinner is not made. He comes home and makes dinner and does everything. I feel horrible about myself.

I really enjoy the time I have with Kaylee everyday. I am grateful for my home health job so I can work a few hours a week while still being able to stay home with Kaylee. But I worry. I worry that I am losing all that I learned in school. I worry that I will never get to work in a hospital because I wont be able to remember the things I need to in order to do that.

I am so excited to have another baby. Last night I was feeling down and Kaylee just cuddled right up next to me and gave me the biggest hug for like 5 minutes. I just started to tear up. I love her so much. I can't wait to have another baby to love and who will love me that much. But I am nervous. Those first few weeks right after having a baby are rough. My emotions are all over the place. How will I do it with two.

Sometimes I feel like I am working hard at being a good friend to someone and they don't reciprocate. I feel like I may think of them more than they think of me. I am sure they don't mean to. And I am sure I have done that to friends as well without realizing it. I just feel like sometimes everyone is just so busy.

I know this is all the hormones and emotions from pregnancy talking but I just needed to write it down so I can hopefully feel better.

I know that I am beyond blessed and I just need to focus on the positive. I watched the movie "ELF" last night. I wish I was like that all the time. He doesn't care what anybody thinks of him. He smiles because he likes smiling. And he just enjoys everyday like it is his last. I think I just needed that reminder.