I really hate days like this. Days where you get so down on yourself and nothing seems to help. I dont like being around negative people or seeing people sad. I have even blocked a few friends on facebook that seem to write a lot of negative statuses because I dont like it. It is so hard to hear that people are feeling down. You just want to make them feel better. You want them to be happy. That is all you want. So of course I hate it when I am like this. I feel like my emotions are all over the place with these hormones and I just wish I had more control.



I am kind of in a rut with work. Dont get me wrong I get paid awesome and it is the most flexible job ever with kids. I get to be a stay at home mom and spend my days with sweet Kaylee. I just sometimes feel like I am not working to my potential. There are now 5 nurses and one that helps out a lot but mostly does on-call in the middle of the night during the week. One of the nurses is full time who knows all, she is the case manager and almost runs the company; one nurse that works almost full time as well as hospice and has been doing it for a few years; a nurse that sees all of the hemophilia patients and is an expert in IV's; another nurse that works in a hospital as well and has a lot of experience from being a paramedic so my boss asks him a lot of questions and trusts him with almost anyone; a nurse that is an expert in wound vacs (shout out to Challae), and then there is me. My boss always brushes me off. I feel like a nobody to her. I feel like if I were to quit she wouldn't even flinch and I HATE that. I want to be valuable. I want to have an expertise. But like I said I am in a rut. The only way I can get to this point with my boss is if I were to work more. I cant work more because that would take away from me being a stay at home mom. Who would I ask to babysit? I dont want to take Kaylee to a day care and even more than that I know I would miss spending that special time I have everyday with her. Not to mention who could I get to watch 2 kids and then there is the fact that we dont have a lot of patients right now so there arent any more visits really for me to take.

I have NO energy. I feel like all I do is lay around all day. When I do get energy and motivation to clean a little bit Kaylee isn't too into the idea and makes it a little difficult to complete my tasks. I know that I am pregnant and chasing a one year old but when I dont get things done I feel even worse about myself.

**** So I wrote this blog post and forgot to post it. Well I figured out how to get out of this rut! Last saturday BJ watched Kaylee while I went and did a session at the Salt Lake Temple. WOW- have I missed going there! We all of bad days and sometimes weeks, so I wanted to share what helped me get through it! It also helps a lot that I have an amazing supportive husband! ****